ANWR is a party

Gas is ass-expensive. Anyone who doesn't think this sucks deserves to have their bike stolen and their vegan burrito shoved in their face. But my distaste for people who are all too prepared for the gas-ocalypse is overshadowed by the seething hatred I have for the people who aren't ready at all.

Some argue for using our key oil resources now, to ease the burden on the poor people who decided that a 100-mile commute to work was a good idea. To do so will be disastrous, but instead of boring you with a reasoned argument, I'll use a metaphor of questionable morality.

---------------------------------
Let's say you're a guy at a typical college party. Near the end of the party, you've got to mentally change gears from "I'm gonna get hella wasted" to "I'm gonna get some action tonight". Incidentally, America is at a point where we can make the switch from fossil fuel-based power to alternative sources of energy. But fuck that, bro. We've got bigger concerns on our minds.

Like all parties, there's only so much alcohol to go around. Eventually, they'll run out. But there is time enough for one more beer run: ANWR. The beer run will make sure that more people can drink what they want. Yeah, you're pretty wasted dude, but a couple more couldn't hurt.

But then you see her: the really hot chick from your o-chem class. (Here, played by a sustainable and viable alternative fuel source). Yeah, you could go with the fat chick of diesel or the slut of hybrid cars, but you'll feel like shit in the morning for that. You need something a bit more long-lasting, a choice that you'll keep coming back to you and won't cut out.

You could go up and talk to the hot chick. You don't know her that well, and there's no telling how long it'll take for her to agree to go with you. She's a hot chick: she can take all the time she wants. The longer you talk to her, the better your odds, but who knows how long it'll take.

Or, you could chip in a few bucks for the beer run, but by the time the really hot chick agrees to go with you, you fucking better be ready to go. At this point, the more you're dependent on alcohol to function, the worse you'll crash when it runs out. So just start talking to her now man. But first dude, unpop the collar. It makes you look like a douche.
------------------------------------
I like to think that my reasoning is solid. Argue with it if you want to.

There is Some Justice in the World

George Carlin is dead. I'm sure you've heard by now.
I will say this much... he was funny right up until the end. That alone makes up for the fact that he's dead and Carrot Top isn't.

Here's to you, Mr. Carlin. I hope you enjoy your new underground venue.