10 Worst Things About 2010 (personal edition)

The end of the year means millions of lists of things that happened in the year. It's kind of like cliffs notes. You don't even have to pay attention to the rest of the year because they recap it for you in two days.

The worst things of 2010, if you were me:

10. Shiny lip balm
No, I'm not wearing lipstick.

9. That borderline-manic guy from New Zealand.
Cock? Blocked. Not cool, dude. Not cool.

8. The realization that my Flickr account is only seen by about 3 people each day.
Upload new photos? What do I look like, a guy who's investing large amounts of time into his photography?

7. Katy Perry's "California Girls"
I can stomach useless bits of pop fluff. But bits of pop fluff that use Snoop Dogg like Li'l Jon? This song is actually a reason why I wanted to leave the country. I am not joking.

6. That darn cat.
This cat looked at the litterbox and instead pooped on my shoe. There's no sense in trying to cover for the cat saying how he feels anxious or upset. I don't think cats can have those emotions. This cat is just an asshole. And yet, I am still friends with this cat on facebook, which should tell you about the people I choose to associate with.

5. German Engineering
Gee thanks Volkswagen. I totally want to spend $1300 to get the various bits of my car fixed, bits that have broken and which cost so much you'd think they were actually made by little elves that lived in the forest. With the amount I've spent on this car, I could have 2 cars that always had the 'check engine' light on.

4. The time I forgot when August was.
I missed out on one show, and was comically late to a field trip. (I actually had to get driven to the event personally by a tutor) I packed for a 3 day trip in 45 seconds, or roughly 15 seconds per day which I would need clothes. I did not make wise decisions.

3. Politics
Politics politics left-wing politics teabagger fascist big government small government no government politics Rand Paul midterm election politics witch crazy politics Democrat scandal corruption Republican wikileaks cablegate Assange politics Stewart Colbert march loonies Christine O'Donnell politics politics live coverage and commentary.
Just like that. It all comes out in one crazy ball of hate and anger.

2. The guy who made me temporarily un-housed.
We talk for 2 weeks about the place I'll be subletting in Spring. I see the place and sign papers, assuming you'll do the same. Then you tell me that I can't have the room because things suddenly changed. All this before Christmas. I need the place in January and I can't exactly fly out every time I want to scope out an apartment.

1. Ke$ha.
Her performance on Saturday Night Live showed the world that she is not only an abysmal singer, but that she also can be out-performed by her own backup dancers. She's an over-produced and cynically marketed machine for the labels to make money. All her crappy pop tunes make me want to go punch random strangers for reasons such as I don't like their haircut. Her (thankfully brief-lived) single blah blah blah made me want to support the drug cartels in Juarez. THAT'S how terrible it is. Its a song that makes you into a bad person.
Tick Tock (which I'm spelling the proper way because I refuse to stoop to that level). If you've ever wondered how over-produced her songs are, here you go.
Your love is my drug If you want to have instant and searingly painful acid flashbacks, even if you've never dropped acid, here's the video for you.

let's make some recommendations

I got a 6-month trial of netflix for Christmas, so I'm working my way through their recommendations. Some things are pretty spot-on, and its making my love of British TV feel less weird. Sometimes they kind of throw a bone in the works. So I ask you netflix, what makes you think I would even consider watching the Care Bears? I'm a teensy bit offended, and a teensy bit worried about my taste in film now.

Very lame origami

Christmas means presents, which means I have to obscure these presents so that the sense of disappointment is delayed. I'm not very good at wrapping gifts. It's not like I'm buying things that are irregularly shaped, like bicycles or whole suckling pigs, I'm dealing with boxes. For some reason, I always somehow over-estimate the amount of paper required by a good square foot. OR, I manage to cut a piece of paper that's like a fraction of an inch too small, so it looks like the gift has plumber butt.
I think gift bags are designed for people like me. I'm skilled enough to put something in a bag and then cover it with crushed tissue paper.

How to solve a mystery dating back to the 90s

Two options for designers of fine computer accessories

Either keep designing infinite variations for ipad stands and holders, saturating a market and my google reader inbox...

Or stop encouraging Apple, and force them to admit that what they designed somehow both fills an unnecessary niche between netbooks and laptops, and which manages to be less useful or practical than either of those things.

What's worse than 18 inches of snow?

Killer icicles.

Not to be confused with stabbing this guy with an icicle for the perfect crime.

According to the Telegraph Saint Petersburg has a problem with falling killer icicles. What possible good could come from this?

Well according to Valentina Matviyenko, St. Petersburg's governor, "Icicles should be removed with lasers or steam". Icicle removing lasers. Russia is awesome.

Walking in a winter wonde-AHHH MY EYEBALLS ARE FROZEN

The snowfall here is eighteen inches (or most of a cubit, for those readers from the Bible) That's enough to make me wish I had a team of sled dogs instead of a car. Trying to get around by dogsled team seems crazy, until a blizzard like this comes around and suddenly, you'd be crazy to NOT have a dozen huskies in your backyard.

But I digress. Streets were half plowed, so almost everyone was getting stuck. The people with 4-wheel-drive SUVs were comfortably cruising around, trying to not look smug. The rest of us were shoveling out the street, and pushing cars around. Then some neighbor said that they had a snowblower. A common courtesy rule: If you have a snowblower, mention this first. That way, we won't have to all shovel for hours when the solution could be accomplished in 10 minutes.

Also, a pre-emptive warning to any person writing in to the local paper that "global warming can't possibly be true! Snow is the opposite of hot and look at all this snow". Write this, and I will sic my sled dogs on you.

The holiday season

I'm trying to see how long I can go for before I blink and actually buy gifts for people. The family's also holding off on getting a Christmas tree. It's like playing chicken, but just about everybody else is playing the same game.