Today, a dead shark was discovered on the New York City subway. Coincidentally, it is also Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. This opens the door for two possibilities.
One: Someone (or some ones) who works for the Discovery Channel has a lot of explaining to do
Two: Someone who doesn't work for the Discovery Channel has literally been waiting all year for the opportunity to leave a dead shark on the subway.
There is also a series of separate possibilities which would have us believe that this shark is on the subway for reasons totally separate from Shark Week, but who among us really wants to live in that world?
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Worst things of 2012, Personal edition
10. Fedoras
Dear teenaged boys, your "fedora" (usually a trilby) isn't a daring fashion choice. It's the choice of a boy who wanted to be "classically masculine" which is an awful choice when you interpret that as "being a dick to women because you want to be 'alpha'". Also a gentleman never wore a hat indoors.
9. People who drive SUVs, but who park them like they're regular cars.
If your vehicle is so capable it could ford a river, you darn well better park it ever so slightly on top of that 6 inch high chunk of snow so the rest of us can have a place to park.
8.Verizon Ringback tones
No, I don't want to hear 10 seconds of generic classical music when I call you. It does not make you appear learned, if you were learned you would answer the phone when the delivery driver calls.
7. Congress
Congress' approval ratings are in the decline. They're so low, they're approaching the same likeability as street crime.
6. The phrase "twenty-doz" as an expression for 2012
It's clever, but it never caught on. It should have.
5. Working for free
Unpaid internship? Great! I'll just not eat or pay my rent until you decide whether you want to hire me in six months.
4. The patriarchy
I just don't like it.
3. The word 'swag'
We need a better word to describe that hanging garland made from tree branches.
2. A cheap plastic rain poncho
I tripped on this, hurt my knee and could not finish the marathon I'd entered.
1. People
2012 was rife with tragedy. Sandy Hook; Aurora, Colorado; Syria... Overand over we are told that Guns don't kill people; people kill people. So people, I'm on to you. I won't stand for your tricks in 2013.
Dear teenaged boys, your "fedora" (usually a trilby) isn't a daring fashion choice. It's the choice of a boy who wanted to be "classically masculine" which is an awful choice when you interpret that as "being a dick to women because you want to be 'alpha'". Also a gentleman never wore a hat indoors.
9. People who drive SUVs, but who park them like they're regular cars.
If your vehicle is so capable it could ford a river, you darn well better park it ever so slightly on top of that 6 inch high chunk of snow so the rest of us can have a place to park.
8.Verizon Ringback tones
No, I don't want to hear 10 seconds of generic classical music when I call you. It does not make you appear learned, if you were learned you would answer the phone when the delivery driver calls.
7. Congress
Congress' approval ratings are in the decline. They're so low, they're approaching the same likeability as street crime.
6. The phrase "twenty-doz" as an expression for 2012
It's clever, but it never caught on. It should have.
5. Working for free
Unpaid internship? Great! I'll just not eat or pay my rent until you decide whether you want to hire me in six months.
4. The patriarchy
I just don't like it.
3. The word 'swag'
We need a better word to describe that hanging garland made from tree branches.
2. A cheap plastic rain poncho
I tripped on this, hurt my knee and could not finish the marathon I'd entered.
1. People
2012 was rife with tragedy. Sandy Hook; Aurora, Colorado; Syria... Overand over we are told that Guns don't kill people; people kill people. So people, I'm on to you. I won't stand for your tricks in 2013.
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