Dear lawn,
I'm not sure where our relationship soured, but I'd like to make our interactions better. I truly believe we can make things work and learn to live together happily.
In case you are unaware of what you did to upset me, I'm going to remind you. Earlier today I had decided that I would like nothing more than to walk barefoot upon you. A simple request, and in my mind, not an unreasonable one. And yet this idea displeased you. With nary a warning, you jabbed several missiles into my most vulnerable of foot-parts - and on my very first foot-step no less.
I cannot understand why such defense systems are necessary. You are a lawn - you are meant to be enjoyed in bare feet. And yet, you insist on cultivating defenses against this very practice. It seems that this is an evolutionarily unstable practice. I could rip you out and put in more patio, but neither of us truly want that outcome.
I'm sorry for whatever it is I did to you to hurt you. But you did hurt me. Not just my feet, but you hurt my pride too when I was forced to do that awkward short-steppy walk that happens when you're trying to not put weight on half of your foot. But I'm willing to forgive, and hope you're willing to do the same.
Best,
Nick
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A neglected patch of grass is not a lawn and therefore seeks its revenge on the person who did the neglecting in order for the said person to pay it some attention ie give it food and water, in order for it to become lawn and then be able to bestow its grassy softness on those wishing to tread upon it.
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