Review: grape nuts cereal

I think I live with the only person under retirement age who regularly eats Grape nuts cereal. Why is this cereal so preferred by people alive during the Great Depression? Nobody knows. But how does this cereal fare in today's world?

1) Taste. Grape nuts have no sugar. Instead, they have salt and yeast. The flavor is much like being hit with a baseball bat made of nutrition. You eat this cereal because it's so goddamn healthy it basically is a kind of punishment. "Yeah, remember all those years when you could have eaten healthier, but you didn't? Well, those foods didn't taste like sand. You missed your chance, and now you have no choice but to eat this."

2) Texture. They're quite... robust. It's right up there with pea gravel and popcorn kernels. I imagine when I've lost all my teeth and I get bionic metal dentures, I'll be able to eat Grape nuts without any problem. Until then, I'll stay away.

3) Fun. Some cereals have bright colors or fruit or variety to make them a pleasure to eat. Grape nuts bring all the joy of watching a clown die at a child's birthday party. It's brown, it's way too crunchy and it's still around.

Grade: D- Not quite a failing grade because I think they'd be good in ice cream.