Beer for hipsters, politics for crazy people

The End of History is a beer that comes in a taxedermied rodent. It's 55% alcohol, and costs 750 dollars per bottle. It's also sold out. That's not what upsets me. This is:

"At BrewDog we want to push the boundaries and challenge people’s perceptions about what beer is and how it can be enjoyed. We ultimately want to show people that there is an alternative to the mainstream, generic beers and make other people as passionate about craft beer as we are."

Why does this always happen? Why does challenging the mainstream run straight into Crazy people Territory? Please, it's possible to have politics that are revolutionary without being grounded in fantasy. Just as it's possible to have beer that's revolutionary and different without being served in dead rodents.

Everything you need to know about the new Lamborghini

To ignore the fact that I'm a poor college student who really needs to pay this month's rent, I like to pretend that I'm a secret millionaire.
And let me tell you, secret millionaire me is PISSED that I can't buy the new Lamborghini Aventador. Even the name is awesome. Aventador is a great word. It makes me think of a matador with a jetpack. It's going on the list of names I would name my kid, if I were Charlie Sheen right now¹.

The car goes from naught-to-sixty in the time it takes you to realize the milk's gone bad. This might be a bit sluggish for the on-ramps on the 110 north of downtown LA, which are best measured in nanometres, but should be more than adequate everywhere else. The engine itself is a v-12 mill that produces 700 horsepower: let's be honest, that number is wholly gratuitous, but Lamborghini has never been known for restraint. Top speed is 217 miles per hour, but it makes more sense to refer to that number as Mach .28.

The transmission is made of robots, the body is aluminium and carbon fibre, and the brakes are carbon ceramic. This car is so advanced that if you crash it (which you almost certainly will) that there is only one man in the United States qualified to repair it, using techniques that make open heart surgery look like it was performed with gardening shears.


Yes, they've mis-spelled the word 'matte'
The car is designed with all the restraint of a weeklong cocaine binge. Colors include TSA threat level Orange, shouty yellow, and bloodshot eyes red. There are also three different colors of grey, in case you're boring. Of course, it's only a matter of time before these cars are painted lurid shades of pink or gold by their owners, and given wheels which belong on Escalades. You can't do anything to save them.

That's the downside: The entire first year's run has been bought up, most likely by loud, flashy individuals who will leave the world no doubt that they're overcompensating. That's the club you'll be buying into. Poor college boy me doesn't want to hang with that crowd. Millionaire me, on the other hand is shedding a single 24 karat gold tear.

1. The list also includes Lando, Magnum, and BAM! (with the exclamation mark)

In which I am a meddling kid

Someone at the house next door has a new boyfriend. How can I tell?

I can hear his snoring from here. Between that, and the damn rooster (which crowed five times during the writing of this sentence alone) that house hates my ability to sleep.
I think the problem is someone needs to reset the rooster. it's still on Eastern time.

I wonder how many brilliant deductions Sherlock Holmes came up with when he was pissed off at the neighbors. (stay tuned for an actual joke that comes from that premise)

I'm an adult now!

I am not very good with computers. It took me the better part of 3 years to set up the email application on my computer... and I have a mac, so it's not as though it's very difficult to do in the first place.

But now, I have it. This means I can finally be tied down to every new email that comes in, preventing me from ever becoming independent from work.

problem solved

The next-door neighbors have a rooster that crows frequently at all hours of night. There are also stray cats in the neighborhood. I feel like there's a good outcome possible.

When service animals are douchebags

This dog is part of a program to help kids read. Apparently, dogs are non judgmental and will help kids be less self-conscious about their reading skills. Oh joy.

riiiiiight.
Look at that dog. That dog isn't withholding judgment: he's made up his mind. He's bored and he wants steak. What a dick. At least fake interest.

Rewarding Drunkenness.

A sort of followup to the dare post.
A recent Texts From Last Night referenced this, saying "I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"..."

I feel like I win at college.