How DO you get through AT&Ts Customer service lines?

The firm I work for has a problem. The bill for the phone is wrong. It's too high. And so we have to call AT&T and let them know we have a problem. As the monkey on the bottom of the tree, that job falls to me. And so every day I call the lovely folks at AT&T and ask them to fix the problem.

At this point, half of the phone bill is probably calls to AT&T. If it weren't for the fact that I can do simple tasks while on the phone, nothing would get done by me. But that isn't the worst bit.

The worst bit is hold music. I've heard some pretty cool stuff on the hold line, things like "the best of dentists offices" and "NOW that's what I call panflute!" It's jarringly bland, but the music frequently gets interrupted by the voice telling me to stay on the line. This voice must assume I have codependency issues. Anytime I can sort of pick up the faintest semblance of 'groove' in the music, the voice interrupts. I have been on hold long enough to actually time the sequence:

10 seconds of music
10 seconds telling me to stay on the line, they'll be with me
4 seconds of silence that makes you think that maybe this time they'll pick up the phone, but of course they won't.
Repeat until hopelessness and a sense of the absurdity of it all sets in.

We're trying to get ahold of someone called Wendy. From what I can piece together based on my experiences with AT&T and their promises that Wendy will indeed call back, I'm pretty sure that Wendy is a witch that lives in Quebec. You can only reach her by sending requests on parchment, and then attaching that request to a highly trained pigeon. The pigeon will fly for days at a time, over wild terrains and vast scenic landscapes. The pigeon will have to brave fierce winds and birds of prey and laser traps to get Wendy. Usually, the pigeon get there and when it does, Wendy reads the request and calls you back. Sometimes she then eats the pigeon if she's feeling peckish.

One of these days I will actually get a call from Wendy. At that point the entire office will stop. People not even affiliated with the company will rush to the door to see this. Cars driving on the streets five stories below will look up. One car will crash into the back of another, but neither driver will care, because someone will have actually gotten ahold of Wendy. Wendy, the witch with the power to rectify accounting errors on the part of AT&T.

That's what it feels like.